Poke!
by DharmaMotorPool
Summary: What if Cal & Co. had Facebook accounts? Well, you're about to find out...
1. Inappropriate Poking and First Dates

**A/N: So, this was actually inspired by this fic **** (.net/s/6371811/1/LostBook) by LostInLost18, who kindly gave me permission to use the same concept with Lie to Me. Mine is less parody, more "omgwhatiftheyhadFacebook", but hopefully it's equally enjoyable. Have fun reading!**

_x x x_

**Cal** **Lightman** has poked **Gillian** **Foster**.

**Gillian** **Foster** thinks **Cal** **Lightman** is going to get an orange slushie to the face if he pokes her again.

**Eli** **Loker** likes this.

**Cal** **Lightman** Watch it, Loker. Remember who signs your paychecks, yeah? And what is this slushie business, love, are we on that Glee program now?

**Gillian** **Foster** commented on **Cal** **Lightman's** status.  
**Gillian** **Foster** _You_…watch _Glee_?  
**Cal** **Lightman** Only cause Em has it on all the time, don't go makin' fun. And I actually rather like that Kurt fellow, he can really carry a tune.

**Eli** **Loker** is laughing endlessly. P.S. - Foster signs my checks.

**Ria** **Torres** and **Emily** **Lightman** like this.

**Cal** **Lightman** Is there a dislike button around here? Or maybe a 'you're fired' button?

**Eli** **Loker** commented on **Cal** **Lightman's** status  
**Eli** **Loker** Check with Donald Trump. Bet he can make that happen.

**Gillian** **Foster** likes this.

**Ben** **Reynolds** is healing nicely. Thanks to all for the cards and flowers.

**Gillian** **Foster**, **Ria** **Torres**, **Eli** **Loker**, and **Emily** **Lightman** like this.

**Gillian** **Foster** and **Cal** **Lightman** commented on **Ben** **Reynolds'** status.  
**Gillian** **Foster** Glad to hear you're doing well, Ben.  
**Cal** **Lightman** Quite the trooper, you are. Hang in there, eh?

**Cal** **Lightman** wrote on **Eli** **Loker's** wall.  
**Cal** **Lightman** Bein' a smart-arse won't get you a raise, Loker. Quit flirting with Foster.

**Eli** **Loker** wrote on **Gillian** **Foster's** wall.  
**Eli** **Loker** Hey Gillian, wanna go out for dinner and some sex later? Lightman just gave me the go-ahead, I think he thinks we'd be an AWESOME couple.

**Gillian Foster, Ria Torres, Emily Lightman, **and** Ben** **Reynolds** like this.

**Cal** **Lightman** is about to rip Loker's curly locks from his head. Oops, did I type that out loud?

**Eli** **Loker** likes this.

**Cal** **Lightman** commented on his status.  
**Cal** **Lightman** You aren't allowed to _like_ that, you arse!  
**Eli** **Loker** But it's funny. You're funny. I love you.

**Gillian** **Foster** thinks she'd better stop laughing before Cal kills her with his glare.

**Emily** **Lightman** lives in a world filled with crazy people…and they all work at the Lightman Group.

**Ben** **Reynolds** likes this.

**Ria** **Torres** commented on **Emily** **Lightman's** status.  
**Ria** **Torres** Hey now, that's not fair. I'm only crazy because they make me that way.

**Eli** **Loker** is hot for Gillian's bod.

**Gillian** **Foster** and **Emily** **Lightman** like this.

**Gillian** **Foster** has poked **Eli** **Loker**.

**Gillian** **Foster** wrote on **Eli** **Loker's** wall.  
**Gillian** **Foster** Bet you liked that ;)

**Eli** **Loker** shared a link on **Gillian** **Foster's** profile.  
** Eli** **Loker** MUSE Can't take my eyes off you LYRICS .com/watch?v=HIdIOXNzlRw

**Gillian** **Foster** likes this.

**Eli** **Loker** and **Gillian** **Foster** are **in an open relationship**.

**Emily** **Lightman** is laughing too hard for words right now. Finally understand the true meaning of LOL.

**Cal** **Lightman** …Loker's got a death wish, apparently.

**Eli** **Loker** thinks Lightman should just ask her out, already.

**Emily Lightman **and** Ria Torres** like this.

**Eli** **Loker** and **Gillian** **Foster** went from being "in an open relationship" to "single".

**Cal** **Lightman** likes this.

**Cal** **Lightman** commented on **Eli** **Loker's** status.  
**Cal** **Lightman** Mind your own bloody business, would ya?

**Cal Lightman **wrote on Gillian Foster's wall.  
**Cal** **Lightman** Have a drink with me tonight, love? Maybe some dinner to go along with it?

**Gillian** **Foster** commented on **Cal** **Lightman's** wall post.  
**Gillian** **Foster** Love to, but I've got a hot date with Loker.

**Eli** **Loker** and **Emily** **Lightman** like this.

**Gillian** **Foster** wrote on **Cal** **Lightman's** wall.  
**Gillian** **Foster** Only kidding, don't kill Loker. Thai, Indian, Chinese, or Italian?  
**2 comments**  
**Emily** **Lightman** Indian! Can I come?  
**Cal** **Lightman** Sorry, love, adults only.

**Emily** **Lightman** Dad and Gillian are currently making out on our front porch. Slightly disturbing, but MISSION ACCOMPLISHED, guys!

**Eli** **Loker** and **Ria** **Torres** like this. 


	2. Status Changes and Subtlety

**A/N: WOW! I did not expect such a phenomenal response to the first chapter of this one, but thank you guys so much! :) I really am having fun writing this, and I'm glad you enjoyed reading it. Here's the next part; hopefully you'll find it as entertaining as the last one (I know I did! Haha). Enjoy! **

**Cal** **Lightman** is **in a relationship** with **Gillian** **Foster**.

**Emily Lightman, Ria Torres, Eli Loker, **and** Ben Reynolds **like this.  
**16 comments  
****Emily** **Lightman** It's really about time, guys. I mean, even Rick called it and he barely even KNOWS you.  
**Eli** **Loker** As sad as I am about being dumped in favor of a Brit, I've gotta say…well done, you two ;)  
**Ria** **Torres** Seriously, Em. I was about ready to believe it would never happen…  
**Cal** **Lightman** Bugger off, Loker. And thanks.  
**Ben** **Reynolds** You done good, Lightman. As for you, Foster…you sure about this? Ha ha ha  
**Gillian** **Foster** Gee, thanks, Ben… ;)  
**Cal** **Lightman** You're just jealous, aren't ya, Reynolds. Too bad, so sad, snooze you lose, and all that.  
**Emily** **Lightman** Be nice, dad. You still totally owe me for having to witness the two of you groping each other on the couch last night.  
**Cal** **Lightman** Oi, darlin, let's not be broadcasting that, eh? Not that I don't wanna shout it from the rooftops…  
**Gillian** **Foster** Dare you to.  
**Cal** **Lightman** I LOVE GILLIAN FOSTER! How's that, love? Louder than actually shouting, innit? Miracle of the internets…  
**Gillian** **Foster** That'll do. I love you too.  
**Eli** **Loker** Awww, you guys are SO CUTE! You should get jerseys, cause you make a good team. But Lightman, hers would look better than yours, cause she's out of your league…  
**Cal** **Lightman** Shove off.  
**Ria** **Torres** Foster, if anyone could make him a better person, you could. All I gotta say is you must have done something good, Lightman.  
**Emily** **Lightman** *dies laughing*

**Cal** **Lightman** thinks if anyone else makes a crack about his relationship, he might have to fire them…yes, Loker, I'm looking at you.

**Gillian** **Foster** likes this.

**Eli** **Loker** wrote on **Gillian** **Foster's** wall.  
Why so cold, babe? I am hurt. Deeply, deeply hurt.

**Gillian** **Foster** commented on her wall post.  
**Gillian** **Foster** Stop making me laugh! Cal gets mad when I think you're funny.

**Ben** **Reynolds** is almost amused enough by all this to want to work at the Lightman Group again…almost.

**Eli** **Loker** and **Ria** **Torres** like this.

**Emily** **Lightman** created a **quiz**: **"What Lightman Group member are you?" **

**Emily Lightman**  
**What Lightman Group member are you? – Eli Loker**  
You are the Lightman Group's radically honest lab tech. Though you are often ragged on by your boss, you know you are actually appreciated by him (deep, deep down in his British heart). You bring a healthy dose of humor to the Lightman Group and it wouldn't be the same place without you. You also secretly have a thing for one of your co-workers (mum's the word as to whom _that_ may be…ahem), but something is keeping you apart. Maybe you should take a page from your boss's book. Just saying.

**4 comments****  
Emily** **Lightman** God, this quiz isn't telling AT ALL…heh heh.  
**Ria** **Torres** Trying to say something, Em?  
**Emily** **Lightman** Who, me? No, not a word.  
**Eli** **Loker** Liar. I can see it written all over your face(book).

**Gillian** **Foster** is glad someone _else_ is being pestered about their love life for a change…

**Cal** **Lightman** likes this.


	3. Poke Wars and Zombie Attacks

**A/N: Again, thank you so much to everyone for reading and reviewing! I hope I can continue to entertain you…and I hope you're ready, because Poke-War 2010 is about to begin…enjoy!**

_x x x_

**Emily** **Lightman** has poked **Eli** **Loker** and **Ria** **Torres**.

**Eli** **Loker** has poked **Ria** **Torres** and **Emily** **Lightman**.

**Ria** **Torres** has poked **Eli** **Loker**, **Emily** **Lightman**, and **Gillian** **Foster**.

**Gillian** **Foster** wrote on **Ria** **Torres's** wall.  
**Gillian** **Foster** Hey! No need to drag me into this.

**Ria** **Torres**, **Eli** **Loker**, and **Emily** **Lightman** poked **Gillian** **Foster**.

**Gillian** **Foster** It's on.

**Gillian** **Foster** has poked **Eli** **Loker**, **Emily** **Lightman**, **Ria** **Torres**, and **Cal** **Lightman**.

**Cal** **Lightman** Oi! I will not be a part of Poke-War 2010, leave me out of it.

**Cal** **Lightman** has poked **Ben** **Reynolds**.

**Ben** **Reynolds** wrote on **Cal** **Lightman's** wall.  
**Ben** **Reynolds** What happened to not being a part of it, Lightman?  
**Cal** **Lightman** That was not part of PW2010, it was a completely separate assault.

**Ben** **Reynolds** has poked **Cal** **Lightman**.

**Cal** **Lightman** has poked **Ben** **Reynolds**.

**Gillian** **Foster** thinks **Cal Lightman** and **Ben Reynolds** should stop flirting and just confess their love already; she's getting jealous.

**Eli** **Loker** and **Emily** **Lightman** like this.

**Cal** **Lightman, Eli Loker, **and** Emily Lightman** commented on **Gillian** **Foster's** status.  
**Cal** **Lightman** Sorry, darling. You know I love you best.**  
Eli Loker **Hey! What about me? Sadface.  
**Emily** **Lightman** And me, your only child! Geez, dad. You're totally whipped.  
**Cal** **Lightman** Watch your mouth, young lady…and you, too, Em.

**Emily** **Lightman** loves her LG family. They provide endless hours of amusement for FREE!

**Eli** **Loker, Gillian Foster,** and **Ria** **Torres** like this.

**Ria** **Torres** took a quiz.  
**How Well Would You Survive a Zombie Attack? – 1 Year +**  
You are very knowledgeable in survival skills and can think fast on your feet when seconds count.

**Eli** **Loker** likes this.

**Eli** **Loker** wrote on Ria Torres's wall.  
**Eli** **Loker** Have dinner with me tonight, Oh Great Zombie Slayer?  
**Ria** **Torres** As long as you don't try to bite me.

**Emily** **Lightman** should really look into a career as a matchmaker. Just saying.

**Gillian** **Foster** likes this.

**Cal** **Lightman** thinks his girlfriend and daughter are only pretending to be sweet little angels and are really quite devious underneath.

**Gillian** **Foster** and **Emily** **Lightman** commented on **Cal** **Lightman's** status.  
**Gillian** **Foster** Giving fate a push is not devious.  
**Emily** **Lightman** Seriously. We should be knighted or something, Gill.  
**Gillian** **Foster** Really, Cal. We had no idea Loker and Torres were having dinner at that restaurant…  
**Emily** **Lightman** Completely coincidental! Or serendipitous. Whichever you prefer.  
**Cal** **Lightman** Devious little tricksters, the both of you. It's a good thing I enjoy it that way.

**Eli** **Loker** is mildly disturbed by all this. And kind of amused. But mostly disturbed.

**Ria** **Torres** likes this.

**Ben** **Reynolds** thinks his former colleagues are a very special brand of crazy.

**Emily** **Lightman** likes this.

**Emily** **Lightman** is ACTUALLY poking **Eli Loker**, and will continue to do so until he changes his status.

**Gillian** **Foster** is going to assist **Emily Lightman** if **Eli Loker** doesn't get on it pretty soon.

**Eli** **Loker** Enduring an actual physical Poke-War is not as much fun as a Facebook Poke-War. I surrender!

**Eli Loker** is **in a relationship** with **Ria** **Torres**.

**Emily** **Lightman** HALLELUJAH! There should be a trophy for this sort of stuff.

**Gillian** **Foster** likes this.

**Ria** **Torres** commented on **Emily** **Lightman's** status.  
**Ria** **Torres** I'll have one made for you: World's Greatest Stalker. ;)

**Eli** **Loker** likes this.

**Cal** **Lightman** What'd I tell ya? Couple of tricky little blighters, my girls are. Well done, loves.


	4. Singalongs and Gore

**A/N: This chapter is brought to you by the letter A (for Audrey), and the number 15 (James Ford, duh!). Enjoy! **

**Emily** **Lightman** wrote a song (to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies theme, yo): "My name is Cal, and I read faces. My name is Ria, and I like warm places. My name is Gill, and I eat pudding every day. My name is Eli, and the guitar I do play…  
**3** **comments**  
**Eli** **Loker** …acoustic, that is.  
**Gillian** **Foster** Not _every_ day…  
**Cal** **Lightman** That's a lie, darling. Beautiful song, Em. How come your foreword for my book isn't this creative? ;) Only joking, love.

**Gillian** **Foster** and **Eli** **Loker** are now friends with **Jack** **Rader**.

**Cal** **Lightman** Really now, where's that 'dislike' button?

**Jack** **Rader** wrote on Gillian Foster's wall.  
**Jack** **Rader** Gillian! How's everything over there? Has Lightman finally realized what an amazing partner he has?  
**6 comments****  
Cal** **Lightman** He's always known, Rader. And now he _knows_ in multiple ways, thank you very much.  
**Gillian** **Foster** Cal! Play nice. And yes, Jack, everything's great here. Good to hear from you.  
**Jack** **Rader** You know if he ever starts neglecting you again, you do have options. You still have no idea how good she is, Lightman.  
**Cal** **Lightman** Don't be a wanker. I have a much better idea than you do.  
**Gillian** **Foster** Alright, boys, behave or I'll put you in time out.  
**Eli** **Loker** likes this. 

**Emily** **Lightman** created a page.  
**Get Ben Reynolds Back at the Lightman Group!**

**Gillian Foster, Ria Torres, Eli Loker, **and** 12 others** like this.

**Cal** **Lightman** wrote on** Get Ben Reynolds Back at the Lightman Group!**'s wall.  
**Cal** **Lightman** Only if he resigns from the Federal Bureau of Idiocy first.  
**Ben** **Reynolds** Fuhgettaboutit. But for Emily…I'll consider it.

**From**: Gillian Foster  
**To**: Cal Lightman  
**Subject**: Tomorrow night

**Message**: I hope you don't have anything planned…thought we might stay in and play doctor. You're due for an examination ;)

**From**: Cal Lightman  
**To**: Gillian Foster  
**Subject**: RE: Tomorrow night

**Message**: GILL! You realize dad gave me his password, right? TMI. 

**Gillian** **Foster** is never, ever, EVER sending messages on this thing again.  
**Emily** **Lightman** likes this.  
**3 comments**  
**Cal** **Lightman** heh heh heh. Serves you right for snooping, Em. And yes, Gill, we're on for tomorrow night. Feel free to examine me anywhere you wish.  
**Emily** **Lightman** DAD! Seriously.  
**Cal** **Lightman** Love, you rather asked for it. Changing my password now, yeah?

**Emily Lightman, Gillian Foster, Cal Lightman, Eli Loker, **and** Ria Torres **are now friends with **Rick** **Massey**.

**Cal** **Lightman** wrote on **Rick** **Massey's** wall.  
**Cal** **Lightman** Oi! Dick!  
**3 comments**  
**Emily** **Lightman** Daaaad…  
**Gillian** **Foster** Cal…  
**Cal** **Lightman** I know, I know.

**Eli** **Loker** can't get that damn song out of his head. My name is Eli, and the guitar I do play…

**Ria** **Torres** likes this.

**Rick** **Massey** is watching The Walking Dead. Zombies can't climb! This is ridiculous.  
**Eli** **Loker** likes this.  
**7 comments**  
**Emily** **Lightman** Everyone knows zombies are not this smart…and they aren't gross enough, either. Too much talking. Where's the gore?  
**Rick** **Massey** Oh, there it is…poor horse.  
**Cal** **Lightman** Where are the two of you? Cause you're not here. Your mum at home, Dick?  
**Emily** **Lightman** Hey, dad?  
**Cal** **Lightman** Yes, love?  
**Emily** **Lightman** Knock it off.  
**Cal** **Lightman** You're right, darling, sorry. I'm off to play doctor now.

**Gillian** **Foster** thinks Cal needs to put his iPhone down and pay attention to her…

**Eli** **Loker** Chaos is a friend of mine.


	5. Party Invitations and Arguments

**A/N: Teensy bit of drama in this chapter, but don't worry, all's well that ends well and all that. Enjoy! **

**Eli** **Loker** also wrote a song (to the tune of that Christmas song Phoebe sings on Friends): Emily, Emily, nothing rhymes with Emily. Then there's Gillian, who worships Nathan Fillion. And please tell Ria we'll see her in a Kia! And Lightman and Reynolds…*mumble, mumble* fennels…  
**12 comments  
****Emily** **Lightman** Schmemily, Wemily, bumble bee, split pea…  
**Eli** **Loker** I stand corrected. Nothing _cool_ rhymes with Emily.  
**Emily** **Lightman** Hurtful.  
**Cal** **Lightman** Who's this Nathan Fillion and what's he got that I haven't?  
**Eli** **Loker** The ability to take a joke.  
**Gillian** **Foster** HAHAHA…I mean…stop making fun of my man. Or something.  
**Cal** **Lightman** Sod off. (Not you, love. Though, that wasn't very nice…)  
**Gillian** **Foster** I'll make it up to you later.  
**Emily** **Lightman** PUBLIC. POST.  
**Ria** **Torres** A Kia? Loker…Loker. You know better than that.  
**Eli** **Loker** Uh oh, last name usage. I'm in trouble.  
**Ben** **Reynolds** I am pretty sure I deserve a medal for working with you crazies as long as I did.

**Gillian** **Foster** is watching Bridezillas with **Emily Lightman** and **Ria Torres**.  
**4 comments**  
**Cal** **Lightman** Darling, must you watch that while I'm in the house?  
**Emily** **Lightman** Why, dad? Scared Gill will act that way someday? *cough* Hint.  
**Eli** **Loker** Wow, Em. Subtle.  
**Cal** **Lightman** Pipe down, young lady. And you too, Em.

**Gillian** **Foster** created an event.  
**The Lightman Group Annual Christmas Party and Secret Santa Gift Exchange! **  
Thursday, December 23, 2010  
6:00 p.m. – 10:00 p.m.

**17 people** are attending.  
**8 comments**  
**Jack** **Rader** Though I'm not invited, I'd be more than happy to be your Secret Santa, Gillian.  
**Cal** **Lightman** Bugger off, you wanker.  
**Ben** **Reynolds** Am I still allowed at this thing?  
**Cal** **Lightman** You'll have to ask Foster, she's in charge of this little shindig.  
**Gillian** **Foster** You're always welcome, Ben.  
**Emily** **Lightman** The more, the merrier!  
**Gillian** **Foster** Stop by and see me so you can pick a name for the gift exchange. We can have coffee and catch up.  
**Ben** **Reynolds** Sounds like a plan. I'll call you.

**Gillian** **Foster** thinks Cal is making far too big a deal about all this, as usual.  
**13 comments**  
**Cal** **Lightman** I am not making a big deal of it, it IS a big deal.  
**Gillian** **Foster** I'm not arguing about this here.  
**Ria** **Torres** What's going on?  
**Eli** **Loker** Trouble in paradise?  
**Emily** **Lightman** Guys, this is serious.  
**Ria** **Torres** WHAT'S serious? Are mum and dad fighting?  
**Emily** **Lightman** I'll call you later.  
**Ben** **Reynolds** I have a feeling this is my fault.  
**Cal** **Lightman** Bloody right, it is! You're officially disinvited from our Christmas party, by the way. Plonker.  
**Gillian** **Foster** That's enough, Cal.  
**Eli** **Loker** WHAT IS GOING ON, HERE? Sorry. I impulsively decided that caps lock was necessary.**  
Emily Lightman **Hold on, not here.

**From**: Emily Lightman  
**To**: Ria Torres, Eli Loker  
**Subject**: Mum and Dad

**Message**: Okay, so dad got all jealous about Gill being so buddy-buddy with Ben, and they got into an argument, which would have been resolved had Gill not admitted to sleeping with Ben in Vegas last year…so they spent like half an hour screaming at each other and now they've locked themselves in separate rooms and refuse to speak to each other. I've gotta go deal with this. I'll text you guys later or something.

**From**: Ria Torres  
**To**: Eli Loker  
**Subject**: Re: Mum and Dad

**Message**: Can you believe this?

**From**: Eli Loker  
**To**: Ria Torres  
**Subject**: Re:

**Message**: Kinda. I mean, who wouldn't have a thing for Foster? I didn't realize they'd done anything, but I'm not that surprised. I just hope this doesn't come between them for good. We worked way too hard to get them together…

**From**: Ria Torres  
**To**: Eli Loker  
**Subject**: Re:

**Message**: Who wouldn't have a thing for Foster? Ahem. Anyway, I don't think they'll break up. They're too crazy about each other, even if they drive each other crazy.

**From**: Eli Loker  
**To**: Ria Torres  
**Subject**: Re:

**Message**: Have I mentioned lately how hot you are? You know what I meant. And you're probably right about them. But still. Can't help worrying about mum and dad. They have a strange habit of not knowing what's good for them.

**Cal** **Lightman** and **Gillian** **Foster** went from being "**in a** **relationship**" to "**engaged**".  
**6 people like this.**  
**Eli** **Loker** Wow. Sure got over THAT argument quickly…  
**Emily** **Lightman** What can I say? I'm a master at conflict resolution.  
**Cal** **Lightman** Well done, Em. Loker, shut it. I've been planning this for weeks and you bloody well know it. Well, not the fighting bit, but you know what I mean. Oh, and uh, Reynolds…you can come to the party.  
**Ben** **Reynolds** Thanks, man. Glad we were able to work through this.  
**Ria** **Torres** Congratulations, mum and dad! We always knew you'd get married for REAL one day…  
**Eli** **Loker** - - laughing endlessly. But seriously, congrats. Can I be maid of honor?  
**Cal** **Lightman** Loker, I thought we'd already decided you were the flower girl…  
**Ria** **Torres** HAHAHAHAHAHA! I would pay big, BIG money to see that.

**Gillian** **Foster** is the future Mrs. Lightman and is deliriously happy about it. DELIRIOUSLY! :)  
**3 comments**  
**Cal** **Lightman** So am I, love. So am I.  
**Emily** **Lightman** So are all of us. I love you guys! I'm so excited!  
**Rick** **Massey** Congrats, Mr. and Future Mrs. Lightman!  
**Jack** **Rader** I concede my defeat. I wish you all the best, Gillian.  
**Cal** **Lightman** What planet do you live on, eh? Leave my fiancée alone. Even Dick-I-Mean-Rick has more class than you.  
**Anna** **Martens** Congratulations, bosses!  
**Zoe** **Landau** Congratulations, you two. I'm sure you'll have a long and happy marriage. I wish you the best of luck.  
**Emily** **Lightman** Okay, mom, even I caught the resentment there. Be nice. Dad's happy. 


	6. Romantic Getaways and Competitions

**A/N: Alright. So. This chapter…I owe it greatly to my wifey, as usual. I had no idea what to do, and she helped me by suggesting a lil' competition of sorts between Cal and Zoe, and well…it sort of took off from there, SO…thank you, Audrey. Hehe :)**

**Zoe** **Landau** is headed to Paris with Roger for the holidays!  
**10 comments**  
**Cal** **Lightman** HAPPY TRAILS! By the way, if you think you're taking Em with you, you've got another thing coming, love.  
**Emily** **Lightman** Dad, no offense, I love you and all, but…it's Paris.  
**Cal** **Lightman** Gill and I will take you after graduation.  
**Gillian** **Foster** I like this plan.  
**Zoe** **Landau** I'm a reasonable woman. We'll compromise. I'll take Emily over Thanksgiving and send her back before Christmas.  
**Cal** **Lightman** You? Compromise? What's the catch?  
**Zoe** **Landau** Why do I bother trying? Roger and I are planning a trip to Australia next summer.  
**Cal** **Lightman** Oh no you don't. keep her over Christmas, then, if you must. I get her this summer.  
**Emily** **Lightman** I feel so loved. And yet simultaneously annoyed.  
**Gillian** **Foster** Let's discuss this later…in person?

**Cal** **Lightman** is whisking Gillian away this weekend.  
**2 comments**  
**Zoe** **Landau** If you show up in Paris, I'll kill you. Not you, Gillian. Just him.  
**Gillian** **Foster** Don't worry, we're only going as far as a B&B in Pennsylvania.

**Zoe** **Landau** was just given the most exquisite bracelet for her anniversary from the world's greatest fiancé.  
**2 comments**  
**Cal** **Lightman** Liar. I'VE got the world's greatest fiancée.  
**Zoe** **Landau** I said fiancé, not fiancée.

**Cal** **Lightman** is buying Gillian an even more exquisite necklace for our engaged-one-month -aversary.  
**2 comments**  
**Gillian** **Foster** That's not even a thing.  
**Cal** **Lightman** Sure it is, darling, if we make it a thing.

**Zoe** **Landau** is about to board the plane with Emily and Roger. Paris, here we come!  
**5 comments**  
**Emily** **Lightman** I see you, mom!  
**Eli** **Loker** That's a little bit creepy, Em.  
**Cal** **Lightman** Safe flight, darling, love to you.  
**Zoe** **Landau** Well thanks! Same to you.  
**Cal** **Lightman** Your sarcasm is endearing, Zo.

**Cal** **Lightman** is having a wonderful Thanksgiving with his fiancée and young protégés.  
**5 comments**  
**Eli** **Loker** Many thanks, Lightman-wan-Kenobi.  
**Ria** **Torres** Nerd.  
**Eli** **Loker** The correct term is "geek".  
**Ria** **Torres** The correct term is "not-getting-any-tonight".  
**Cal** **Lightman** Touché!

**Zoe** **Landau** is having Thanksgiving dinner in a delightful bistro with her family.  
**2 comments**  
**Cal** **Lightman** Bloody showoff.  
**Gillian** **Foster** Play nice.  
**Emily** **Lightman** Miss you guys!

**Gillian** **Foster** wonders if Cal is done competing with his ex so we can enjoy our weekend?  
**4 comments**  
**Cal** **Lightman** Bloody right I am, love.  
**Emily** **Lightman** GUYS. If either of you post ANYTHING this weekend, I will un-friend you.  
**Cal** **Lightman** Lips are sealed, darling. Fingers, too. No time for all that. Talk to you Monday!  
**Emily** **Lightman** I'm rolling my eyes at you. Can you see it? Love you.

**Eli** **Loker** thinks it's awfully quiet around here this weekend…

**Emily** **Lightman** likes this.  
**3 comments**  
**Ria** **Torres** TOO quiet…  
**Emily** **Lightman** Is it ever TOO quiet when it comes to my dad and his sex life? I think not.  
**Eli** **Loker** Right you are, sis.

**Gillian** **Foster** Fun Dip.

**Cal** **Lightman** likes this.  
**5 comments**  
**Cal** **Lightman** Chocolate syrup.  
**Gillian** **Foster** Gummi bears and gummi worms.  
**Cal** **Lightman** Red Hots.  
**Gillian** **Foster** Peanut butter cups.  
**Cal** **Lightman** Warm honey.

**Emily** **Lightman** is disappearing for a while. It may be difficult to update this thing once I've gouged my eyes out.  
**1 comment**  
**Eli** **Loker** Told you so. TOO quiet.


	7. Holidays and Crashing Planes

**A/N: You wanted it, you got it! Here's chapter 7…a little belated, but it's here :) Enjoy!**

**Emily** **Lightman** DECK THE HALLS WITH BOUGHS OF HOLLYYYYYY  
**8 comments**  
**Eli** **Loker** FA LA LA LA LA, and all that jazz.  
**Gillian** **Foster** 'Tis the season, Eli.  
**Cal** **Lightman** Bah humbug.  
**Emily** **Lightman** Oh come on, dad, it's almost CHRISTMAS!  
**Cal** **Lightman** I know, love, but honestly, all the caroling is driving me a bit bonkers.  
**Gillian** **Foster** Sweetheart, you already are a bit bonkers. I say this with love.  
**Cal** **Lightman** Thanks, darling. It looks like Santa threw up in your office. I also say this with love.  
**Gillian** **Foster** Thank you, Ebenezer!

**Gillian** **Foster** wrote on **Emily** **Lightman's** wall.  
**Gillian** **Foster** Has everyone drawn names for Secret Santa?  
**16 comments**  
**Emily** **Lightman** Everyone but dad…don't worry, though, I drew for him.  
**Gillian** **Foster** Then we're good to go! Now we just need to get the decorations up.  
**Emily** **Lightman** We'll have to do it tonight. We can make dad help. Maybe it'll put him in the Christmas spirit.  
**Gillian** **Foster** Sounds like a plan :)  
**Cal** **Lightman** Sorry, love, but I've got plans with your future step-mum tonight.  
**Gillian** **Foster** Cal, this is important.  
**Cal** **Lightman** Well, pardon me! I'm just your fiancé, after all.  
**Gillian** **Foster** Not what I meant and you know it. We can still do our thing after.  
**Cal** **Lightman** Darling, you know I'm an impatient man.  
**Gillian** **Foster** Have a little patience and I'll make it worth the wait.  
**Emily** **Lightman** Okay, ew. Can we get back on topic now, please? How many times do I have to remind you that this is a public forum?  
**Cal** **Lightman** Not so, darling, our posts are set to private.  
**Emily** **Lightman** Did I say public? I meant BURNING MY EYES.  
**Cal** **Lightman** You brought it upon yourself, love, really. You and your scheming, matchmaking ways.  
**Emily** **Lightman** Shut up :P  
**Cal** **Lightman** Love you, too, Em.

**Gillian** **Foster** thinks Cal cheated big time in the Secret Santa.  
**15 comments**  
**Cal** **Lightman** I did nothing of the sort, love, I swear. I drew you completely by accident!  
**Gillian** **Foster** There _are_ no accidents, not when it comes to you.  
**Emily** **Lightman** Dad, you totally cheated.  
**Cal** **Lightman** Did not!  
**Emily** **Lightman** Did so! I drew FOR you, and I know who you got…or, didn't get…  
**Cal** **Lightman** I DID NOT.  
**Emily** **Lightman** DID SO!  
**Cal** **Lightman** NOT.  
**Emily** **Lightman** SO!  
**Cal** **Lightman** NOT!  
**Eli** **Loker** SO!  
**Gillian** **Foster** As delightfully entertaining and _incredibly_ mature as this is, I must interrupt. Cal didn't cheat…apparently, he paid Anna to switch with him. So, technically, Anna's the one who cheated…  
**Cal** **Lightman** I'll fire her.  
**Gillian** **Foster** Shut up.  
**Emily** **Lightman** *LOL-ing forever*

**Jack Rader **wrote on **Gillian** **Foster's** wall.**  
Jack** **Rader** Did you get the gift I sent? There was something special in there for you.  
**1 comment**  
**Cal** **Lightman** Oh, that package was from YOU? Sorry, mate, accidentally chucked it in the trash.

**Emily** **Lightman** Happy 2011, everyone! Rang in the New Year in a very awesome way...

**Gillian** **Foster**-**Lightman** is married to **Cal** **Lightman**  
**14 people** like this.  
**12 comments**  
**Emily** **Lightman** Told you I had an awesome New Years' :) Congrats, dad and Gill! Love you.  
**Ben** **Reynolds** Well, it's about time. Good on you.  
**Eli** **Loker** YOU ELOPED AND DIDN'T CALL ME IN AS YOUR MAID OF HONOR? Ouch, Lightmans. Ouch.  
**Ria** **Torres** As if you didn't enjoy your own New Years' celebration…  
**Eli** **Loker** Oh, right…you're forgiven, Lightmans.  
**Emily** **Lightman** YOU GUYS!  
**Jack** **Rader** I wish you the best of luck in all your endeavors.  
**Cal** **Lightman** We don't need luck, mate, luck is for those without love. Good luck to you, though!  
**Zoe** **Landau** Congratulations, Cal and Gillian. I'm sure Emily mentioned, but Roger and I set a date, and you're more than welcome to attend.  
**Cal** **Lightman** Sorry, love, but we'll still be on our honeymoon then.  
**Zoe** **Landau** The wedding's in June.  
**Cal** **Lightman** Long honeymoon.

**Ria** **Torres** Totally thought this show was going to suck and be ridiculous, but I gotta say…it's kind of epic.  
**4 comments**  
**Eli** **Loker** Please tell me you aren't talking about the Jersey Shore.  
**Ria** **Torres** L O S T  
**Eli** **Loker** Let me guess…I have to watch with you?  
**Ria** **Torres** I love that you know me so well.

**Eli** **Loker** …I can't believe I love this show.  
**4 comments**  
**Ria** **Torres** TOLD YOU.  
**Eli** **Loker** You were right. Sawyer's hot.  
**Ria** **Torres** Isn't he, though?  
**Cal** **Lightman** I worry about you two sometimes. Genuinely.


	8. Renewals and Reunions

**A/N: So, I figured we could all use a good laugh, and I was already working on this before the news broke, but it made me feel better to finish it. I hope it helps you all, too. I love this fandom and will never give up. In fact, my own version of season 4 is in progress. Keep an eye out for it! Enjoy :)**

**Gillian** **Foster-Lightman** is busy finalizing the menu for the vow renewal reception.

**Emily** **Lightman** likes this.

**Emily** **Lightman** wrote on **Gillian** **Foster-Lightman's** wall.  
**Emily** **Lightman** I can't believe it's already been 6 months! Love you, mom.  
**Cal** **Lightman** likes this.  
**6 comments**  
**Zoe** **Landau** I'm not sure how comfortable I am with this…  
**Cal** **Lightman** Doesn't really matter, darling. Gill's always been like a mum to Em, she might as well address her accordingly.  
**Emily** **Lightman** It's not a negative reflection on you, mom, you know I love you.  
**Zoe** **Landau** I love you, too, sweetheart. Cal, I was joking. Mostly.  
**Cal** **Lightman** It's the "mostly" that bothers me the mostly, Zo.  
**Gillian** **Foster-Lightman** Salmon or Lobster?

**Ria** **Torres** is watching season 3 of Lost with **Eli** **Loker**. He has a giant crush on Evangeline Lilly and won't admit it. I, however, freely admit that I am attracted.  
**3 comments**  
**Eli** **Loker** Juliet's much more bad-ass.  
**Ria** **Torres** This is true. But you still think Kate's hot. Your dilated pupils told me so.  
**Eli** **Loker** That's cheating.

**Emily** **Lightman** wrote on **Gillian** **Foster-Lightman's** wall.  
**Emily** **Lightman** Lobster, by the way. Cause dad's your lobster.  
**2 comments**  
**Gillian** **Foster-Lightman** He's my what, now?  
**Emily** **Lightman** Lobster! They mate for life. It's a Friends reference; we'll watch sometime.

**Cal** **Lightman** is sitting down with Gill and the event planner to get everything sorted. Don't know why, though; I'm crap at this stuff.  
**5 comments****  
Gillian** **Foster**-**Lightman** Because I value your opinion, dear husband.  
**Cal** **Lightman** I appreciate that, dear wife. However, the fact remains that I couldn't care less whether the tablecloths are ivory or eggshell.  
**Jack** **Rader** Renewing your vows already?  
**Gillian** **Foster**-**Lightman** We eloped, hence no family/friends celebration. Why not now?  
**Cal** **Lightman** Well said, love. Not to mention that it's none of your bloody business _what_ we do with our vows, Rader. Bugger off.

**Gillian Foster-Lightman** wrote on Cal Lightman's wall.  
**Gillian Foster-Lightman** Just watched Friends with Em. You're my lobster. I love you.  
**4 comments**  
**Cal Lightman** You know how I feel, darling. Can't get it into words sometimes, but you know.  
**Eli** **Loker** YOU GUYS ARE JUST SO GOSH DARN CUTE.  
**Ria** **Torres** Really. I'm all teary-eyed. Eli, pass the tissues, would you?  
**Cal** **Lightman** Sod off, we're adorable.

**Emily Lightman **took the quiz **"Which Lost Character Are You?"** and got the result – **Juliet Burke**

**Eli Loker** and **Ria Torres** like this.

**Eli Loker** took the quiz **"Which Lost Character Are You?"** and got the result – **Charlie Pace**

**Ria Torres** and **Emily Lightman** like this.

**Ria** **Torres** took the quiz **"Which Lost Character Are You?" **and got the result – **Kate Austen  
****Emily Lightman **likes this.  
**3 comments**  
**Eli** **Loker** Dislike. You were supposed to cheat and get Claire.  
**Emily** **Lightman** That's what she said.  
**Eli** **Loker** NICE. I have taught you well.

**Ben** **Reynolds** is back at the Lightman Group again.  
**Gillian** **Foster**-**Lightman** and 8 **others** like this.  
**10** **comments**  
**Cal** **Lightman** FBI works in mysterious ways, eh?  
**Ben** **Reynolds** Your wife is a very persuasive woman. Can't say no to her. I don't envy you, man. Well, maybe a little, but that's beside the point.  
**Cal** **Lightman** Right you are, but I'm not complaining.  
**Gillian Foster-Lightman** Glad you finally saw reason. ;) Welcome back, Ben!  
**Emily** **Lightman** Finally!  
**Eli** **Loker** Now we can resume our secret, forbidden love affair!  
**Ben** **Reynolds** Shh! Play it cool, man…  
**Emily** **Lightman** LOLOL.  
**Ria** **Torres** BEN, YOU'RE CHEATING ON ME? I mean, uh…  
**Cal** **Lightman** Oi.


	9. Shopping, Dropping, and Ancient Greece

**Emily Lightman **Home for Thanksgiving weekend! So ready to shop 'til I drop with my amazing stepmom.  
**Gillian Foster-Lightman **and** Cal Lightman** like this.

**Cal Lightman** is never going shopping on Black Friday again.  
**Gillian Foster-Lightman** likes this.  
**10 comments**  
**Cal Lightman** Darling, you're the one I was shopping for; you should DIS-like this post.  
**Gillian Foster-Lightman** That's what I meant…  
**Emily Lightman** Don't worry Gill, we'll drag him out next year, too. And basically every year after that. If we have to wake up at 4 a.m. to go get his presents, he's got to wake up, too!  
**Gillian Foster-Lightman** That's right! I'd be happy if it was just us girls, though. Your father's kind of a pain in the ass when he's got to do girly things. And 4 a.m.? Forget about it!  
**Emily Lightman** KIND OF a pain in the ass? Gill, I know 5-year-olds who whine less.  
**Gillian Foster-Lightman** At least you don't live with him anymore…  
**Cal Lightman** Hey, I'm right here!  
**Emily Lightman** So? :P  
**Cal Lightman** Now that's just uncalled for.  
**Gillian Foster-Lightman** I love you.

**Gillian Foster-Lightman** wrote on Cal Lightman's wall.  
**Gillian Foster-Lightman** Don't even tell me you forgot to buy your Secret Santa present again.  
**7 comments**  
**Cal Lightman** Alright. I won't tell you.  
**Gillian Foster-Lightman** Caldonius Lightman! I must have reminded you about 25 times!  
**Eli Loker** CALDONIUS?  
**Cal Lightman** Oi! What are you trying to do here, Gill?  
**Eli Loker** CALDONIUS! Were you born in Ancient Greece? That would explain a LOT.  
**Cal Lightman** Are you done?  
**Eli Loker** Not. Even. Close.  
**Ria Torres** and **Ben Reynolds** like this.

**Cal Lightman** wrote on **Gillian Foster-Lightman's** wall.  
**Cal Lightman** Well darling, I think I can safely say I'll never forget a Secret Santa again…  
**Gillian Foster-Lightman, Eli Loker **and** Emily Lightman** like this.

**Eli Loker** wrote on **Cal Lightman's** wall.  
**Eli Loker** Caldonius, Hermes wanted me to tell you that your winged shoes will be ready next week, but you shouldn't overuse them.  
**Ria Torres** likes this.  
**2 comments**  
**Ria Torres** You are having waaay too much fun with this, babe.  
**Cal Lightman** You're ridiculous, Loker. Don't make me demote you again.

**Gillian Foster-Lightman** …so how 'bout them Packers?  
**Emily Lightman **and** Ben Reynolds** like this.  
**11** **comments**  
**Emily Lightman** I will marry Aaron Rodgers one day.  
**Gillian Foster-Lightman** If I weren't already married…  
**Cal Lightman** No need to finish that thought, love. I'm more attractive than TEN Aaron Rodgerses.  
**Eli Loker** Rodgerses? I don't think so, Caldonius. I mean, you're no Adonis…  
**Gillian Foster-Lightman** Cal's my Adonis.  
**Cal Lightman** I'm flattered, darling.  
**Eli Loker** Awww, married love.  
**Cal Lightman** So Loker, what did YOU buy on Black Friday, hm?  
**Eli Loker** SHHH.  
**Cal Lightman** Stop calling me Caldonius or I'll spill the beans on toast.  
**Eli Loker** Empty threat.

**Eli Loker** is engaged to **Ria Torres.**  
**Gillian Foster-Lightman, Emily Lightman, Cal Lightman,** and **8 others **like this.  
**11 comments**  
**Emily Lightman** FINALLY!  
**Anna Martens** Congratulations, love birds!  
**Ben Reynolds** Ria, if he ever screws up, remember, you've got friends in the Bureau…I mean, congratulations!  
**Jack Rader** If you're thinking of starting a family soon, I'm sure I can offer you a very competitive salary.  
**Cal Lightman **Bugger off. Not you, Loker, though sometimes…anyway, glad to see you finally made the leap. It's about time.  
**Gillian Foster-Lightman** Eli, you did good. Don't let her get away.  
**Eli Loker** I don't intend to. Even if I have to tie her down.  
**Ria Torres** Hey, no one's supposed to know about that…  
**Cal Lightman** GRAPHIC! I'll have to flag that as inappropriate now, thanks.  
**Ria Torres** Please, like you and Foster don't do the same thing.  
**Emily Lightman** SCARRED FOR LIFE.


End file.
